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Spending time with a new special someone is always super fun. The early stages of budding relationships can also end up being totally anxiety-inducing — especially if you're not quite sure where their head is at. After a particularly enjoyable date, it can feel like a bit of a disappointment if the person you're casually seeing doesn't immediately ask you to hang out a second time. Some men don't necessarily feel like it's completely up to them to pursue a new romantic interestleaving the perfect window of opportunity for their partners to put their seductive magic to work.
However, according to certified dating coach Damona Hoffmanthe idea that men have to chase who they want is totally outdated. If the apple of your eye is not a man, don't worry; regardless of gender, most people like being pursued by someone they're interested in. The key to keeping things on track in the early stages of dating is to get into a push-pull rhythm, where neither one of you feels like they're doing all the heavy lifting when it comes to planning and arranging how to best spend time together.
This can be a bit tricky if things are still very casual, and it's totally natural to be concerned about coming off as too eager.
But you should remember that anyone who's interested in buying what you're selling will be pumped that you like them enough to put yourself out there. The main thing that keeps people from pursuing those they're interested in is the fear of being rejectedand this is completely normal. The best way to deal with this is to put out a feeler before you decide to ask them on another date.
Initiate some texting banterwhich will usually give you some idea of their interest level. Hoffman says that you can do this by sending them a meme or a GIF to follow up to an inside joke one of you made during the date or something that reminded you of them — although try your best to keep it light and fun, not overly sentimental. I've also found Is it okay to ask a guy to hang out texting after work hours makes it a lot easier to get a natural back-and-forth rhythm going because both of you are less likely to get entangled in distractions.
If they're not being super responsive then, this could be a that they may not be super interested. Hoffman warns, though, to not get caught up in too much texting. Remember, by reaching out, you are also making it easy for them to suggest another hang out, but if they are not willing to engage in any texting chatter, then it might be better to let things sit for a bit. If you want to enter a relationship where you and your partner have an equal say, try practicing at this stage by communicating what you want to do.
Maybe your crush posted a cute pic of themselves or an interesting location on their IG Story. Swipe up and let them know you think they look good or that you would love them to take you to one of their favorite spots. If they've responded positively to your attempt at starting a conversationthen — at some point — try to slip in something positive about your last date.
Maybe you saw an interesting movie with them that has lingered in your mind. Maybe you just really enjoyed whatever it is you did together. Whatever the case, tell them. Not only is this a great way to al interest, but bringing up something you experienced together — whether it be a particularly yummy meal or some dope live music — is also a sneaky way of presenting a bonding opportunity.
And assuming you both had fun, this gentle reminder will help them start associating those positive feelings with you. After all, who doesn't want to go on a date with someone they were really vibing with? This is why it pays to really tune into what your date is saying during your hangouts instead of letting their attractiveness turn your brain to mush.
Maybe they are super into punk rock or really love a certain food; come up with a date idea around those things. It's best to have a specific event or outing in mind before you reach out so you're armed and ready. If you can't really think of anything they might like off the top of your head, it never hurts to invite them along to something you enjoy doing or something you've been looking forward to. Maybe your favorite museum has a new exhibit. Try to get creative. There are a couple of different ways to approach actually asking them if they want to hang out again. Which method you use just depends on how comfortable you are with the situation.
Hoffman suggests leading with directness as much as possible. If you're pretty certain they are into youthen why not show them how confident you are with something like, "What are you up to this weekend? I'm planning on checking out this new exhibit at the Whitney. Want to ? It's direct, to-the-point and, based on their answer, you'll have a solid idea of where they're at. If they already have plans, but suggest another specific time they could meet up, then don't sweat it — they are being truthful and just had other plans.
But do notice if they get wishy-washy and are reluctant to nail down a specific time for a next meeting. This could mean that they want to keep their options open or aren't quite sure how they feel just yet. We should do something again soon.
The ball is totally in their court at this point, so there is no need to send a follow-up text. Sometimes, whether or not someone is interested in going out again is less about them not liking you and more about timing. There are a ton of reasons that may be standing in the way of another date that are completely out of your control.
Maybe their ex just came back into the picture, or they have a busy workload, or they just want to keep things casual.
Damona Hoffmancertified dating coach. Cherlyn Chongbreakup recovery and dating coach. This article was originally published on Single Life. By Tayi Sanusi and Nhari Djan. Updated: July 9, Originally Published: Sep. Search Close.Is it okay to ask a guy to hang out
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Here Are 5 Expert Tips For Casually Asking Someone To Hang Out Again