Added: Brent Bruch - Date: 20.12.2021 15:30 - Views: 47077 - Clicks: 8465
Image by mbg Creative. In the whirlwind of red roses and candy hearts that is Valentine's Day, suffice it to say we've got love on the brain here at mbg. Finding "the one" has become a sort of ideal when it comes to relationships: We're optimistic that soul mates exist, but we acknowledge that they're rather rare and difficult to find. That's why I was excited to speak with relationship expert Margaret Paul, Ph. As a bestselling author with a Ph. While most of us would agree, true love can be difficult to find, especially if you feel that you've been attracting emotionally unavailable partners.
No need to fret—here, the secret to finding true love.
Hint: You may want to start holding yourself able. It may sound obvious, but Paul explains that before you can find true love, you have to work on yourself. And we're not just talking self-care although she mentions a good yoga and spa session does wonders, too. According to Paul, self-love takes work; you have to bond with your inner self before you can expect to truly bond with another.
We can't share love if we don't have love to share," she tells me. What she means is love is sort of like a transaction. If you don't have any love within yourself to share, you likely won't get true, intimate love in return. Imagine your inner self as a small child: "You would not be going around the neighborhood trying to find somebody else to take care of your child, right? When we're not taking care of our own feelings, we're essentially asking someone else to "take care" of that small.
Even if someone else does offer to care for your child, the child will still feel rejected by you. Basically, if you don't love yourself, no one else can fill that void—no matter how great they may be. According to Paul, you attract what you reflect. That said, if you're one of those people who feels you're always " attracting the wrong person ," it may be time to look inward and Want to find true love if you're truly loving yourself and ready for intimacy.
Paul explains further: "If people were really available, they wouldn't be attracted to unavailable people. They'd be attracted to available people. If you're unavailable, you've got to do your inner work to become available. Think of it this way: You truly get what you put out into the world.
If you exude confidence and self-lovechances are you'll attract a partner who also sees your inner self and treats you like the valuable person you are. While it may sound like a simple notion, it's rather empowering—we truly do have the agency to attract the right people into our lives; all it takes is a little look inward. We admit, it's easier said than done. But Paul has a few initial steps you can take when you want to focus on working on yourself: "Inner bonding," she calls it. Learn to be aware of the feelings that you're having rather than doing all of these self-abandoning things to avoid them.
Once you're aware of what you're feeling, make a decision to take responsibility for those feelings rather than blaming somebody else or ignoring them in some way. That's the beginning step to really be present within yourself," she explains. Loving yourself, according to Paul, means you should take responsibility for your feelings rather than blaming other people for them. If you remember one tip from Paul, let it be this: When you have the power to love yourself, only then will you attract someone who can truly do the same.
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Explore Classes. February 14, It all starts from within. That's why you may attract the "wrong people. What does that inner work look like? The rest, as one would say, is history. Enjoy this episode! More On This Topic Sex. Olivia Giacomo. With Esther Perel. Integrative Health. Josey Murray. Janeil Mason, M. Latest Articles Beauty. Alexandra Engler. Personal Growth. Sarah Regan. Jamie Schneider. Lindsay Boyers. Climate Change.
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